BLEZNORFICUS MOGUL POWER RANKINGS

Trade Deadline Edition

With most of the season down, the 2016 Big League Mogul playoffs are taking shape. In the NL, four teams have all but locked down spots, with the NL West still up for grabs between Colorado and Los Angeles. In the AL, there is a battle for the two wild card spots between Toronto, California, Boston, and Kansas City with only 3.5 games separating them. And then there are the other 16 teams who are all about as talented as a poopy-flavored lollipop.  

We take a look at each team's MLB rank, path to the playoffs, and contender status in a vaguely disguised attempt to waste ten minutes of your time with biased and unsupported rantings. It's like click bait, except only for nerds that spend the majority of their days talking about fake baseball players who have never really existed except as 1's and 0's.

POWER RANKINGS

1. New York Yankees (88-43)

A $320 millon budget and 5 players with at least 20 home runs? Are you betting against this team? Zero of the first 77 wins came from new acquisition Jose Fernandez, and him and his 2.47 ERA were just added to the roster. Good luck, AL, you're going to need it.

Hero: Jose Bautista (38 Home Runs)

Loser: Didi Gregorius (only player with under .310 OBP)

Path to the playoffs:  Make sure you don't choke on your bubble gum while you skip toward the finish line.

STATUS: CONTENDER

2. Washington Nationals (85-47)

You wish this AAA team was in your MLB (40 homers from players that are not every day starters). That doesn't even take into account the pitching, which has seven starters and relievers with less than 2.99 ERA. Have yourself a Strasburger and enjoy the ride.

Hero: Bryce Harper (.438 OBP)

Loser: Francellis Montas (4.38 ERA - see what I did there?)

Path to the playoffs:  The Nationals get in unless every player on their team eats nothing but Strasburgers between now and October. And even then maybe.

STATUS: CONTENDER

3. Pittsburgh Pirates (79-51)

No single player on the Pirates will blow you away, but the roster is solid throughout. Especially the bullpen, where Mark Melancon and John Holdzkom have pitched lights out. The Pirates almost guarantee themselves a playoff spot, but they better hope they can hold off the oncoming Reds for the division, or they will be caught in a play-in without a clear SP to throw in it. My bet is the Reds just barely edge them out and PIT falls in the Wild Card.

Hero: The aforementioned Melancon and Holdzkom

Loser: Yu Darvish (5.15 ERA)

Path to the playoffs: Score more runs than the other team and hope the other team is the Reds.

STATUS: PRETENDER

4. Atlanta Braves (81-51)

The Braves sport a lot of home-grown talent, and a certain fish-named individual who is certainly not home-grown. The farm is all but lifeless, but if their MLB can maintain it's current form, they have perennial contender written all over them. Shelby Miller gives them a great shot in the wild card game, where they will almost certainly be appearing thanks to division alignment.

Hero: Casey McGehee (.301 BA as a defense-first 3B)

Loser: Any prospect on the roster in the beginning of the year who enjoyed living in Atlanta.

Path to the playoffs: Beat the Pirates/Reds in the wild card game.

STATUS: CONTENDER

5. Oakland A's (73-59)

The A's get this spot on account of having the best shot to avoid the one game play-in of the playoff teams despite most pundits saying they don't have the talent to compete with the other division leaders. Joey's last name might just be "Beane" as he has taken the league's leftovers and turned them into a Frankenstein's monster of hungry baseball-playing machines. Too bad it won't help them get anywhere if they can outrace California to the playoffs.

Hero: Billy Butler (league leading .327 BA)

Loser: Dellin Betances (5.19 ERA)

Path to the playoffs:  Outrace the self-proclaimed "rebuilding" Angels to the finish line.

STATUS: PRETENDER

6. Kansas City Royals (74-57)

I won't bet against last year's champs, and neither should you. They have a lethal top three SP for their playoff run, and scouts are saying minor league prospect Kyle Zimmer will almost certainly play a pivotal role in the playoffs. They likely will continue to run all over the place deep into October (6 players with 13+ steals).

Hero: Yordano Ventura (3.14 ERA)

Loser: Brandon Finnegan, who just got bumped by Zimmer.

Path to the playoffs:  .5 games back of the White Sox and 1 back of the Wild Card. In order to get in they need their 4th and 5th starters to provide quality starts every game. 

STATUS: CONTENDER

7. Cincinnati Reds (78-53)

Already having more wins than all of last year, the Reds have mortgaged the farm at a chance to compete now with a fair amount of financial stability for the future. After the Cincinnati fans submitted a petition with 200,000 signatures on it to bring back Joey Votto, the Reds' GM surprisingly acquiesced and brought him back in a blockbuster trade. Next time Cincinnati, make sure your petition includes a request for bikini-clad cheerleaders to be on the sidelines at every game.

Hero: Votto

Loser: Pittsburgh's division chances

Path to the playoffs: Make up the last 1.5 games on Pittsburgh and keep on keeping on.

STATUS: CONTENDER

8. Boston Red Sox (75-56)

The unappreciated middle child of the AL East is looking way up at NYY, and way down at Tampa and Baltimore, but is tied with older brother Toronto thanks to the last two weeks. Mookie Betts looks like he is on his way to being a Top 5 player in the entire MLB, and Taki Sato has been a welcome addition from the Yomiuri Giants of Japan. The question in my mind is: do they have enough power to make a playoff run? When your leadoff hitter leads your team in dingers, I'm guessing no.

Hero: Betts/Sato
Loser: The middle relief corps (5.28 and 5.63 ERA)
Path to the playoffs: No real chance at the division, but in the driver's seat in the wild card. Boston needs their veteran pitchers to keep up with the young guns to outrace the other 3 teams for that spot.
STATUS: CONTENDER

8. Toronto Blue Jays (75-56)

Perhaps the second best team in the AL, the division alignment means they will be playing the lottery winner of the second Wild Card spot for a chance to face their division rivals. Indeed, a fairly likely scenario has the Blue Jays facing the Red Sox for a chance to face the Yankees. Won't there be egg on my face if the AL East doesn't make it to the Series?

Hero: The 3-7 hitters.

Loser: A leadoff man with a .285 OBP (Dee Gordon)

Path to the playoffs: See if the team can quit choking and have old-man Wainwright use his playoff experience to keep the Blue Jays alive in the wild card game. If you would have asked me two weeks ago, I thought this team was one to be reckoned with. But now I think they are a...

STATUS: PRETENDER

9. Chicago White Sox (74-56)

A newcomer to the concept of winning, the South Siders have the most under-achieving talent in the league. Can they put it together for the playoffs? If they get over the loss of Jose Abreu, my bet is yes.

Hero: Jake Peavy (2.21 ERA)

Loser: A left-handed former ace with a 4.39 ERA (James Shields)

Path to the playoffs: Try to actually play to your potential and win the division. Otherwise a wild card game is not a lock.

STATUS: CONTENDER

10. Los Angeles Dodgers (73-58)

The Dodgers made up quite a few games in June-July to put themselves .5 games back of Colorado. But even if the Dodgers don't take the division, Clayton Kershaw has been the most consistent pitcher in the Bigs this year and gives them a huge advantage in the Wild Card, if they could somehow make up those 5 games they are behind. Winning the division is the more attainable goal.

Hero: Kershaw

Loser: Zack "Why can't I consistently perform" Greinke

Path to the playoffs:  Land one more haymaker than Colorado in the vital six games in LA and Denver in September.

STATUS: CONTENDER

12. Colorado Rockies (73-57)

The best offense in the league meets a decidedly mediocre rotation that has actually improved a great deal in the last year.  Troy Tulowitski is earning every penny of his 19 million dollar salary. With a few upgrades in the 'pen and at DH, the Rocks could be a perennial playoff contender. This year, they likely need to win the division to get in to the playoffs, and it will be tough to do against the more well-rounded Dodgers.

Hero: Tulo
Loser: Any pitcher that dares step within 20 yards of the mound at Coor's.
Path to the playoffs: Take four of six from the Dodgers and take advantage of a relatively easy schedule in September (Giants, Padres, D-Backs).
STATUS: PRETENDER

13. California Angels (71-59)

The seriously over-performing Angels suddenly find themselves in limbo deciding whether to buy or sell at the deadline. Can they make it to the playoffs? Hey, I don't think anyone had them coming this far. Will they go anywhere if they get there? As much as I want to bet on the underdog, give me 5 mil on whoever they are facing.

Hero: John Jaso (.317 BA)
Loser: 10 year olds everywhere with Anaheim Mike Trout jerseys.
Path to the playoffs: Win the division. There are too many good teams in the Wild Card hunt for CAL to take them all, so beating Oakland in five of six in September is the best bet.
STATUS: PRETENDER

14. Detroit Tigers (66-65)

The Tigers made some hard choices to keep themselves from being financially screwed for the next 20 years thanks to pre-existing contracts. The unavoidable result? No farm and an MLB team just above .500.  A few shrewd moves could put the Tigers in it, but the lack of top prospects is concerning. With the moves this GM has made to save the franchise already, don't expect them to be down for long.

Hero: FA signing Chris Davis (38 HR)
Loser: Any fifth-starter named Green/Greene
Path to the playoffs:  Making some serious moves before the trade deadline and then somehow making up the 9 games they need to get in to the Wild Card.
STATUS: PRETENDER

15. Chicago Cubs (69-61)

Apparently there can only be so many wins in Chicago, and the White Sox are not good at sharing. The Cubs have the talent to compete, but just haven't done it this year. Now 8.5 games out of the division and wild card, the Cubs will be back but not this year.

Hero: Nobody.
Loser: Javier Baez hitting below the Mendoza line.
Path to the playoffs: Make up 8.5 games on Cincinnati in the 30 games remaining. Easy enough, right?
STATUS: CONTENDER (but not this year)

16. St. Louis Cardinals (66-65)

A quick rebuild, a slash in salary, and still above .500. St. Louis' AAA team may just be better than their MLB team, and next year expect those players to make an impact. A four team race for the NL Central could be in our future, and that should make everybody happy.

Hero: Phil Hughes
Loser: Every team that has faced the Memphis Redbirds all season
Path to the playoffs: Build a time machine to go a year into the future and bring back all the players that are set to break out.
STATUS: PRETENDER (but not for long)

17. Houston Astros (65-67)

The Astros have some elite bats and some awful pitchers, and the result has been a .500 record. It has looked all season as though no one has been behind the wheel of this organization, and as a result the brass has made the unprecedented move of removing the GM in August. What can Houston do this year? Nothing. What will they do next year? Your guess is as good as mine.

Hero: Jon Singleton
Loser: Anybody who has wanted to trade with Houston for the past 4 months.
Path to the playoffs: 10.5 games out of the second Wild Card and looking up at 4 teams. A sudden shift toward trading for starting pitching, combined with winning every game in September might be just enough to do it.
STATUS: PRETENDER

18. Miami Marlins (61-70)
STATUS: REBUILDING

19. Minnesota Twins (59-71)
STATUS: REBUILDING

20. Philadelphia Phillies (57-74)
STATUS: REBUILDING

21. San Diego Padres (59-72)
STATUS: REBUILDING

22. Cleveland Indians (58-72)
STATUS: REBUILDING

23. Tampa Bay Rays (54-76)
STATUS: REBUILDING

24. Seattle Mariners (53-78)
STATUS: REBUILDING

25. New York Mets (51-80)
STATUS: REBUILDING

26. Milwaukee Brewers (51-81)
STATUS: REBUILDING

27. Baltimore Orioles (50-81)
STATUS: REBUILDING

28. Arizona Cardinals (50-82)
STATUS: REBUILDING

29. San Francisco Giants (50-82)
STATUS: REBUILDING

30. Texas Rangers (47-85)
STATUS: REBUILDING